The title of this article isn’t an ad for the latest edition of Chris Hansen’s “To Catch a Predator”, instead it’s asking the question about when a game is correct for kids. For the past several years I’ve seen friends and relatives choosing games for their kids. Typically I give no opinion because I think it’s an individual’s choice. My one friend’s 9 year old was allowed to play Godfather 2 and everything in the Grand Theft Auto Series. I disagreed with their decisions but also recognize that a lot of people are going to disagree with mine.
Now I’m the parent. I love games. I’m good at games. I want my son to be good and enjoy the passion that I have. At first it didn’t look good. When he was 3 or 4 I tried to get him to play some games with me and he got bored, even when it was Dora’s Purple Planet. Now he’s 7 and it’s hard to get him off of the Xbox. But what should I let him play? Just ‘E for Everyone’ games? Just Dora, Sponge Bob, Up and other bad movie tie-ins? He likes these and the Lego games but there’s more out there and he realizes that. The Wii was fun for a bit but it quickly started growing dust.
I took a few steps down the proverbial slippery slope and started sliding further and further. The first step we made was Halo 3. His 11 year old brother played Halo and it seemed OK. Sure it has shooting but the shooting is against aliens. It feels less real than the Call of Duty series. You’re not shooting other humans, just some scary looking monsters. The next step was Call of Duty : World at War Nazi Zombie Mode. Again his older brother and cousin were playing and he wanted to join in. It’s just zombies, again not human so it’s not that bad…right?
Well since he’s playing Nazi Zombie mode, why not play some Modern Warfare 2? OK it crosses the previously established line of not killing other humans. But is that so bad? It’s just a video game, not real bloody and not much different than when i was a kid running around the neighborhood with toy guns. Now it’s his favorite game.
And if Nazi Zombie mode and Modern Warfare 2 are ok…why not Left 4 Dead? It’s just more zombies. Scarier zombies but if he isn’t scared, why not? Yeah I’m almost to the bottom of that slippery slope now but I’m comfortable with my choices. I looked at each of these steps and it was a logical progression. There’s no ill effects to my child. He handles these games well, enjoys them and is good at them.
The opposite story is my step-son who is 11. He followed pretty much the same path as my 7 year old but a few years earlier. The difference is that he’s a poor loser. It’s just his personality, he’s high strung when it comes to these games. He’s the kid who is a poor winner always rubbing it in and he’s the kid that’s the poor loser who cries and throws his controller. He’s a great kid, just has difficulty handling the frustration that these games can bring. Because of that he slowly lost all of these privileges. It was determined by his biological parents (my wife and her ex-husband) that these games are not appropriate for him and bring about undesirable actions on his part.
So now we have a 7 year old who is allowed to play Modern Warfare 2 and Left 4 Dead 2 while the 11 year old can’t play either. It’s a tough situation to police. The question of whether it’s fair has come up many times and we handle it. While some rules are ‘house rules’ which are for everyone, other rules are ‘parent rules’. The 7 year old can watch Glee at his mom’s house, neither child can watch Glee at my house (sexual situations). The 11 year old can watch CSI, the 7 year old can’t (parent rule). Bedtime is at 10 on weekends (house rule).
I’ve thought this out and I know where my lines are drawn. There’s only two and the first is s-e-x. I’m a stereotypical American. Violence is acceptable in my book but I get uncomfortable with the sex talk in Ghostbusters if the kids are in the room. Clash of the Titans was a great show to watch with the kids, but I fast forwarded through the 5 second breast feeding scene. The same goes with my games. I’m comfortable with my son shooting my brains out but it concerns me that he can have sex in Sims 3.
The other line is online play. The worst thing I think someone can do is to let their kids play unmonitored online. You don’t know who their online friends are, they could be the 30 year old pedophile down the block. You don’t know what’s being said to them or what they’re saying. We’ve all been in rooms where the 12 year old is screaming obscenities or generally being a jerk. Don’t let your child be that child.
So if my 7 year old can play games that my 11 year old can’t, what’s the real deciding factor on when a kid can play a game? I think it falls directly onto the parent and their ability to make informed decisions. The key word is ‘informed’. A parent needs to know what a game is about and needs to determine if it’s OK for a child to play. They also need to know what their kids are doing. Correct them if they’re shouting obscenities, even if it’s just to nameless online people. Being a parent means being involved. Keep the online stuff out of their rooms. It’s easy to dump the kids and let them fend for themselves but it’s wrong.
Wow. I have a 5 year old boy and a 3 year old girl. Both play my 360: Markus loves to play The Maw and Burnout Paradise, and Anna has put some time in on Peggle. My nephew, who is 9, likes to play, too, when he visits. MW2 proved too unsettling for him (he tried the Wii version at home, and he was unsettled by it), but he’s fine with Battlefield 1942. I guess it really does come down to what the parent feels the child can handle and process in a healthy fashion. I haven’t had to consider it with my youngin’s, as they’re still really young, but I do watch what I’m playing while they’re awake and running around. With Mass Effect 2, I can always go mine some planets. Borderlands, not so much. As far as having separate rules for the 7 and 11 year old, that seems right as one has to consider the merits and qualities of the individual, although I’m not sure a 7 year old should be playing those M rated games, regardless of his relative maturity. I’m not blasting here–I just said I’m not sure. Granted, a lot of the cartoons these days have quite a bit of violence–and I remember when I was kid that the big media hype was how cartoons were a detriment to our healthy growth. Well, I think most of us turned out okay. Anywho, great insight, and your article definitely provokes though.
Great article.
I don’t have kids, but I know folks that let their children play anything under the sun, and folks that wouldn’t let a game system dare cross their threshold. The good thing in all of this, is that the parents that I know are tuned in to their kids, and involved in the media they take in.
Maturity seems to come into play as well. It seems based on my understanding of your article, that your 7 year old may be a little more mature in that area than your 11 year old. Again, the good thing is that you’re tuned in to your kids to notice that, and make the adjustment.
Eventually, they will probably want to play those games online…And that opens up a whole other can of worms.
I’ve let my son play some games on the 360 online and just plug the headset in but not let him put the headset on. That way he can own newbs and be safe from their stupid mouths.
Excellent article. It is certainly a topic that warrants discussion and I am certain that the opinions will vary widely. The bottom line it is about choice. In my opinion, parents should be involved with their children whether it is video games, baseball or cheerleading. We only have a limited amount of years to help shape their perceptions of the world.
I have girls who don’t game much, but they do like to play RockBand with me. I never let them hear what is being said online because many times the language is inappropriate. They have seen me play some COD:WaW and a few other “violent” shooting games. They don’t hang around much to watch because it isn’t their thing.
My girls are 12 and 17 and I still keep the parental controls active on the Xbox and on the Directv box. We just want them to make good choices. We also explain our rationale for the controls. We have seen their maturity level rise as we interact regularly with them. Will they make some bad choices?….absolutely! We are just happy that they can develop with our partnership and support.
Keep up the thought provoking atricles!
Very well written article I must say. When I first read the title I believed the topic was going to go in a different direction (a more general one about how younger kids <17 should or should not be allowed to play mature games)…but was surprised when it was coming from a more personal note. I agree that it's the parents right and responsibility to decide what to allow your children to play.
A quick note, I know many of the systems have parental controls so if you do have kids you can do things to set what type of games your systems will let a profile play, how long a profile can play, and even allow people to block all communications from people when playing online (I know the latter is true with the 360, but not sure if the other systems do it as well).
I work at a retail store that sells mostly games and we do enforce the ESRB rating policy. While all the other employees seem to be content with just asking for ID, I am not. Whenever a customer purchases a Mature game, I am sure to let them know that it is mature and then flip over the case and let them know the general reasons listed on the back on why it's mature. Many times it seems the parents don't care and are just "whatever" attitudes. You would also be surprised at how many parents actually pause and look at their kid and say "You want to play that??" and the kids reply is usually "yeah, I played it at my friends house…" and be even more surprised when they sigh and say "okay." But as you said Tilt, it is parents choice which I respect. In the end it's about parents being informed and involved in what their children are absorbing from things. You can't stop a child from being exposed to a lot of what's out there, but you can teach them and inform them on what is appropriate and what is not and why.
EXCELLENT EXCELLENT EXCELLENT Article!!! Seriously, it is a hard road to talk, and it is reassuring to see I’m not the only one out there in this situation. I have 5 boys, 2 stepsons and 3 with my wife and we have similar issues. My oldest is 13 and he plays 360 both on and offline at his Father’s house, no rules, he plays L4D2, Gears2, MW2, anything he wants. My wife and I are christian and it doesn’t fly in my house. I was glad to find a legal fix to network L4D locally for local co-op with one copy of the pc version, but his failing in school and behavioral issues have had us revoke that privelidge. I feel bad not letting him play the same games I play, especially when the damage has already been done at his father’s house, but it’s a necessary evil for right now. My younger kids( 10, 7, 4, 2) are not interested in ‘M’ rated titles for now, so that pressure is off. My 7 year old still has a hard time with dual-stick controls and my 10 year old is too much of a Nintendo fan-boy to care–which I consider a blessing. I whole-heartedly agree with what you have said here. I like the ‘house rules’ and ‘parent rules’ . We have similar issues, being a step-parent is awesome, but it changes all the rules in ways you don’t imagine unless you are in that situation. Thank you for posting this, God bless!
Well i have two nephews that each play xbox360 in there house. one who is a boy is 8 and the girl is 10. they have played Modern Warfare 2 with split screen. Not Xbox LIVE just system. Its still an M rated game. Halo 3 is the boy’s favorite(i will not say either of there names.) he plays it about 2-3 hours a day. So i dont know what othere parents think but i say that as long as their are no sexual themes in the game, age doesn’t matter.