We have all heard the stories before: Woman sues McDonalds for burning herself with hot coffee, Robber wins lawsuit about cop shooting him, woman wins lawsuit for breaking her tailbone from slipping on her spilt drink in a restaurant, and the list goes on and on. Well now this has carried over into the Video Game Characters’ Community.

Goomba #17 has become an advocate to his fellow shroomies

It all started with the landmark lawsuit win of Goomba #17. For those that do not remember an unprecedented trial of Goomba #17 vs. Mario (of Super Mario Bros fame), in which the plaintiff sued Mario for “Physical and Mental Anguish”, ended with the Plaintiff winning the case in the form of 2.5 million gold coins to compensate for damages. In interviewing G#17, he stated, “This is a huge win for mushroom equality and hopefully this changes the flippant attitude of violence inflicted on all video game characters.” G#17 has since gone on to become the most successful mushroom in history with his best-selling autobiography, screen plays, and college lecture tours. The incident in question that gave birth to a trial in the first place occurred within world 1-2 in Super Mario Bros the game. G#17 claims while he was “pacing back and forth thinking about the meaning of life” when an Italian plumber violently jumped on top of him and flattened his muffin top and broke his neck. “Come to find out, I was really lucky. I lost friends to this menace to society by way of fireballs.  FIREBALLS!?! Who does that? One thing a mushroom never wants to be is fried” stated G#17. G#17 also revealed that because of this incident he lost his job with Mr. Bowser his boss and faced ridicule at the hands of his peers. When asked about the claim of Mario’s legal team that “All the mushrooms on every stage meant malicious harm”, G#17 responded, “That is an ill advised racist claim. I consider myself a pacifist and hate being lumped in with all the malicious mushrooms out there.”

Mario on the stand passionately defending himself

Because of the great financial losses in Mario’s life, he had to sign an eternal contract to Nintendo of America, Inc to pay his debts. His brother Luigi adds, “It’s a really sad to see. He planned to be retired by now but never will happen. My brother he a lost his greatest love…the Princess Toadstool. She is so embarrassed that she change her last name to Peach. But Mario knows and keeps searching for her but she hides from castle to castle.”

This landmark lawsuit win marked the beginning of a mass of lawsuit wins to come. Each court case with the Plaintiffs winning and their winning amounts below (does not include cases settles out of court):

* Bob the guard vs. Solid Snake :: “Unprovoked Tranquillized Attack against the Plaintiff” Win $700,000

* Citizens of Liberty City vs. Niko Bellic :: “Reckless Endangerment and Damages” Win $1 MIL per citizen

* Lipton Tea Company vs. Master Chief :: “Defamation of the name ’Teabags’ resulting in Financial Loss” Win $3 MIL

* Union of Ghosts vs. Pacman :: “Mental Anguish and Terrorizing” Win 100,000 Pellets

A video game hate crime?

These are just a few of the many cases to come forth from the Goomba #17 case which has started off a “snowball effect” as far as lawsuits go. When will all the trigger happy lawsuits come to an end? Not anytime soon. It was recently discovered that Jack Thompson has been working with the Coalition of Zombies for Equality to work on a lawsuit against many current video game characters. When asked why this suit has not been brought into court yet Thompson responded, “It’s appalling that such violence can happen to these undead, obviously influenced by these Grand Theft Auto types. We’ve hit a brick wall in getting a case because I’ve had a difficult time conveying to my clients since communication between us is not easily understood. But I promise, these atrocious acts will come to trial.”

So next time you get a Nazi in your scope, feel like crashing into another car in Burnout, roll your Katamari blindly over school children, or make Link kick a chicken you may want to hesitate a moment and consider that your actions just could get another video game character in legal trouble.

Stay frosty gamers…just not too frosty.